On acceptance
Sometimes, I talk a big game. Especially about precarity. I am be very familiar with it, but it doesn’t necessarily mean I want a precarious life.
Things that I am working on accepting:
That I won’t be leaving this state this year. Or maybe next even.
Which means I will get more time with my family. I can work on rebuilding my credit and save money while doing so. I won’t have to figure out so quickly where I plan on moving next — because I don’t really know where I’m going to be going.
I can’t buy a new car this year.
I don’t need a new car. I’ll be able to pay mine off this year, have one less debt to deal with, and maybe next year I can upgrade. Once I get the AC fixed, maybe have the car detailed, I’ll be fine.
That I can’t go to social gatherings out of state this month.
There will be more events where I can see friends and coworkers. While I’ll have FOMO now, it’s ok, and it’s better that I save the money. And again, there will be more outings.
It’s ok that I don’t have some big exciting life right now.
I spent my 20s touring with a circus punk rock marching band, living in Chicago, doing some really fun sponsored blog work… Honestly it was all really fun and exciting. Now I spend most of my day on my computer working and hanging out on Twitch. I live where I grew up, and the dating scene is kind of nonexistent here. But frankly, I have an amazing job, my apartment isn’t perfect but I love where I live, and I still get to connect with friends online.
As much as I see others doing things I wish I could be doing… I can’t let that damper what I have accomplished. This chapter of my life is a little quieter, yes, but honestly, it’s still pretty great. I have an amazing job that is presenting new challenges and opening a lot of doors for me. I get to spend time with my nieces, watching them grow — heck, just getting to be close to my mom. I thought that’d be overwhelming, but it’s actually pretty nice. This fall? I’m getting to hang out with my friends on a 10-day vacation at Disney.
I don’t necessarily like feeling like I’m still in transition. So much has felt like it’s been in transition for so long now. Maybe that’s just life, though. Right now is my quiet, small town period. Maybe I can finally turn it into my “I go kayaking” period…